Daily Life in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Better in Brazil...

VACATION time.

Most Brazilians in the corporate world take like 3-4 weeks vacation every year. I should adjust that statement to say "in a row" - which is more accurate. I don't think that most expats do, however. But to the Brazilians, it's normal. Most of Mr. DRL's coworkers here in Brazil were shocked to hear that he'd never taken three weeks off in a row before. Most of our friends and family back home were shocked to hear that Mr. DRL managed to take over three weeks off in a row. 

I think this phenomenon explains a few things, namely:

• Why things move slowly here in many cases
• Why families are closer here
• Why people are happier here (hey they took a survey - apparently Cariocas are like the happiest people on the planet).

Either way - I LIKE IT. My husband was SO relaxed on our trip, the time away did him so much good and I think helped him gain perspective - in both personal life and career. Mr. DRL and Canadoca are as tight as can be after three weeks of non-stop time together. Daddy's girl! Last night when he came home from work after his first day back she started giggling like a maniac when she saw him, it was adorable...

Celebrating 2 years!

Mr DRL & I celebrate 2 years of marriage today - can't believe it's been that long! Since then, we've been busy, deciding to move to Brazil, planning to move to Brazil, moving to Brazil, settling here, hosting 8 months worth of company, having Canadoca, traveling, him working a LOT, and currently taking the tour of a lifetime in Southwestern South America which we are currently enjoying...  Yay!

Happy Anniversary, Mr. DRL. Sure am glad I married you!

My Guestbook - Part 8 - What has changed about Mr. DRL & I since Moving to Brazil

Part 8 of a series of questions I asked my guests after their Brazilian vacations.

Question 8: What, if anything, has changed the most about Mr. DRL & DRL since leaving Canada?

My Mom: They are more relaxed, even though I am sure Mr. DRL's work can be quite a challenge, they are enjoying the experience and will never be the same again!!! Also, a bit of a change with preparing for baby's arrival.

My Bridesmaid & Her Boyfriend: Um, well aside from them both speaking another language and learning how to live in a completely opposite society they are still the same people we all know and love!

My Mother-in-law: We love the self-confidence they have attained by having to deal with Latin energy and language issues.  Such an interesting life they lead, when a breakfast meeting with a politician is just another day at the office.  Again, DRL's Portuguese is amazing.

Engaged Couple Friends: About 3 kilos!   :-) We were so excited to hear the news!  (DRL Note: at the point of their visit, 3 kilos was the extent of the baby weight gain!)

My Dad: Hard to see in two weeks but hopefully they've realized how fortunate they are to be from a country like Canada.

Dia Dos Namorados

Yesterday was Dia Dos Namorados here in Brazil (much like Valentine's Day). I figure if Mr. DRL gets two Father's Days (one on Sunday, then Brazilian Father's Day which is in August), two Valentine's Days is fair game.

Although Mr. DRL did a great job getting some lovely treats for both Canadoca and I, I received the best gift he ever could have gotten me was the night before...

Just before bed, I asked him in passing when Dia Dos Namorados was, as I wasn't sure of the date. I knew, however, that it was close, the displays in the stores are unavoidable of course. He ducked and grinned and avoided eye contact, cleared his throat, saying: "Uh, I think sometime in July..." I immediately knew something was up, and figured it must be close!

The next morning he woke me up with gifts. Which I completely appreciated, don't get me wrong! However, the best gift that my husband could ever give me, I had already received the previous night: proof/validation that he is a really bad liar.

Anyone do anything fun to celebrate?

Signs of the times?

Or... the economic downturn? I am often asked how the downturn is affecting Brazil. I am not really sure, my opinion changes constantly, but on a consumer's-view level, lately I've observed things like:

Less crowded restaurants. We walked right into Sushi Leblon on Saturday night. At about 8:30. Seriously. Nice patio table.

Closed-down restaurants. Barra Downtown Shopping - wow there are a lot of empty storefronts that used to be restaurants. Scary. But I hate to break it to you - here in Leblon, Haagen Dazs is gone too. Not that I'd been there more than once, but it was nice to know it was there if I needed it...

Closed down clothing stores. This is sort of akin to Starbucks closing 600 locations in the US. Some businesses oversaturate w/number of locations. LIke one on every block or corner. Take the store Eclectic here in Rio for example. Everywhere. So a couple of locations closed down. They probably should have. Efficiency, people!

Super-crowded Movie Store. People focusing on less-expensive forms of Saturday night entertainment.

All is not lost, there are still new businesses opening up here in Leblon, I will introduce a couple of them in the next few days.

A Theory

I am expecting to get a lot of flack about this post. I decided to write it anyway.

Other disclaimer - no, I am not a psychologist or a sociologist. This is just based on my own observations, questions and thoughts. Okay so here goes...

At any park or public place that is children-friendly in Rio, the photo below (taken at Parque Lage) is a fairly typical sight:

In case you were wondering, it's not "mom's wear white" day. These women are wearing white to identify themselves as "baba's" or nannies. And you see more of them than you do mom's.

Since announcing my pregnancy, almost every single Brazilian I have had a conversation with has asked me if I intend to get a baba. I shock them all by responding that I have someone who can help with things around the house, and potentially with the baby, after a few months, for a couple of hours at a time.  I answer the "but how will you...??" the same way all the time - to me, it's my job to take care of the baby. I then joke that I certainly am not a martyr and am more than happy to have someone to help with other household tasks, and add that it is much more than I would ever have for help in Canada, so I feel very lucky.

Middle-class families often have baba's here in Brazil.  To generalize, most people who are in this line of work are not well-educated.

Back home, early childhood education is a major concern for most parents. Books such as Raise a Smarter Child by Kindergarten: Build a Better Brain and Increase IQ up to 30 Points (yes, I have a copy) are best-sellers, and parents seem to compete to see whose child will read/be toilet trained/count to 100/name countries around the world/write a screenplay first.  It is widely believed that teaching children these things very early on sets them up for success in the future and forever affects their ability to learn and process. Montessori schools are all the rage, and in some cities, parents get on waiting lists for the best pre-schools at the time of their child's birth. All in hopes that these actions will give their children a head start in life.

In Brazil, even amongst well-educated folks, and with foreign-educated folks, in my experience, there seems to at times be a disconnect as far as ability to think critically.  I may be mistaken and this may be a cultural difference and a preference not to.  In fact, Mr. DRL and I recently had a very interesting conversation with a Carioca who feels that the stem of Rio's problems is that everyone is too accepting of how things are - crime wise, corruption wise, a general lack of questioning things, and so nothing really changes.

But part of me wonders if this lack of critical thinking is in part because most of the population spends those formative years with primary caretakers who are not well-educated, in the case of the less fortunate, or by nannies in the case of the more privileged, who can't possibly be as invested in the child's development as a parent would be, nor are they well-educated.

Since it's inevitable this will provoke some response, let me invite you to do so - what do you think about this?

Survey says...

I would like to do an informal survey of expats here in Rio, to provide some info and insight and different perspective to the blog. Recently I made a page on the blog about things that were hard to find in Rio and it seemed to be a hit, the expats I knew were willing to share trade secrets which was great.

If you are an expat living in Rio and interested in participating, either send me your email address to dailyriolife at gmail dot com, or in the comments section of this post. If you are an expat in Rio I am already in touch with, I already plan to send the survey to you once I get it all figured out ;)

All others: what are you interested in learning about expats in Rio? What questions would you like answered? Leave your suggestions for survey content in the comments section.

Thanks!

Sad Week

Last week was a sad one for me. I was glad to have had a few posts pre-written for the blog.

One of our favorite couples moved away (back to the US), and we learned of the sudden, tragic death of one of our friends, a very active woman in the expat community here in Rio, of an aneurysm. 

It is said that people come into our lives for a reason, or a season. As expat wives, we tend to bond quickly, and why not? We are far away from friends and family, in many cases not working, in many cases our husbands work extraordinarily long hours. We understand one another's concerns and frustrations, and are often able to help one another out.  That said, being that it is a small community, we also often end up hanging out with people with whom we don't necessarily share morals, values, or much of anything in common. So when you find someone with whom you really jive, you hang on tightly.

Like many of the women I have met here, I connected with this particular friend immediately, in fact I had featured an article about her on the blog in the past without knowing her. It truly is a small world.  
Age has never been something to affect who my friends are, and why should it? Despite the age difference (she was older than my mother by a few years), we had much in common. I will forever treasure my memories with her of sharing cooking tips and recipes, taking her to the Asian market here in Rio, her reaction to finding out I was expecting, her introduction to "Gunther" (I get an email: "Is this guy for real?") and of course the beach days. Talking to my friends here in Rio, what I am realizing is that we all felt this way about her and our relationships and connections with her, which goes to show how talented she was at making everyone feel special and important to her. What a gift. 

She was a trendy dresser and an incredibly beautiful woman. At her age, most women would not be comfortable in a bikini but considering the shape she was in, it would have been a shame not to wear one! She had washboard abs going on! She had a gorgeous smile and a kind word of encouragement for everyone she met. 

I was always inspired by her drive to learn new things, be it the IBEU class she took her last month in Rio (the same Portuguese school I attended last year) to improve her skills even after spending several years here, learning new ways to cook, or facts and places to know around Rio and Brazil.  

She was an powerfully uplifting source of encouragement to me in the short time I knew her. She read my (public) blog regularly and told people about it all the time. She wanted me to write a book about living in Brazil.  She was very excited about our baby's arrival, in fact in our baby's closet there are already has a few things from she and her husband that I will certainly cherish. She called me her "culinary inspiration".  All of the fuss she made over Mr. DRL (she referred to him as "that cute husband of yours") and I made us feel incredibly special. She and her husband joined us in our Camarote (box) for Carnavale this year, memories I will forever cherish.

I hope that she knew how inspired I was by her and her incredibly young, fun spirit and zest for life.  I thought it would be hard enough to miss her for the summer while she was away, it is very difficult to accept the reality that she will never be coming back. The last two times I saw her, she was the picture of health, in fact I noted that I had never seen her look better. She just seemed to have a glow. It just goes to show how precious life is and how we cannot take anything for granted. The way in which she treated people and made them feel is surely a lesson to us all.

I wish I just had a chance to say goodbye.

Since her death I have gathered together the little notes, cards, emails, and tokens that make up a friendship and will certainly treasure these memories. On such occasions, I am glad for my inability to every throw anything away.

Goodbye, my friend. I will never forget you.

Today, a group of us took the opportunity to honor our friend at the Lagoa.

Sense of Humour

Today while at the gym, my husband made a comment to me that I was "turning Brazilian" as I'd failed to catch the sarcasm in the comment he'd made a minute earlier. As much as I think I'm far from "turning Brazilian" I do think that my sense of humour is changing.

For example, the film "Pineapple Express" was a box office hit last summer and still continues to be one of the top rentals on iTunes every time I'm on there. I don't get it. I couldn't sit through it, in fact. Am I getting old? Am I missing something? Am I so disconnected from North American culture? Does anyone really think that it is funny?

Come to think of it, it's been a while since I watched anything I found hilariously funny. Which saddens me - I love to laugh. Anyone have a good recommendation?

Has your sense of humour changed since becoming an expat?

Parenthood Preparation

This is what I need to do:
“In bathrooms, boardrooms, buses, bagel shops, and everywhere else, we all need to imagine a little girl following us around, repeating everything we say and everything we do. Think about all of the things you want for yourself and your daughters, granddaughters, and girls everywhere- and teach them by living it yourself.”- Nell Merlino, In Stepping Out of the Line: Lessons for Women who Want it their way in life, love and work.

No, I don't know if it's a girl or a boy, but really this applies either way!

Saturday night Deep Thoughts...

Why is it that nearly everywhere you go in Brazil there are stray dogs everywhere... except in Leblon and Ipanema where there are NONE... hmmm...

What the heck is going on with the building that used to be McDonald's on the corner of Dias Ferreira's and A.de Paiva? It's prime real estate and has now been vacant for at least 6 months....

Anyone care to shed some light?

Xixi (she shee - also known as pee pee) times three

So... I wasn't going to post about any of these, er... events individually, but now that they have all happened within about a week, I think it's a sign...

STORY 1: It's no secret that a lot of public urination goes on in Rio.  During Carnaval it takes place even more.  You know, it's normal -  the drinking, the outdoors-ness. No, sorry I don't understand it.  Oh you really really just "had to go"? Yes, I am familiar with the concept being that I am now more than 30 weeks pregnant... trust me if I can hold it, so can you. Yes, I realize that there are a lack of public washrooms, but frankly, no one wants to see or smell you do it... Can you tell I saw a few too many people partaking in this over Carnavale? According to this little piece in OGlobo, the city of Rio is using 120 thousand litres of disinfectant to combat this... situation.

STORY 2: Continuing on the topic... then, at Carnaval, I was handed a little envelope as I entered the premises. After we got settled in, I checked it out.  See the photos below:
Understand the directions? It's a device for women to direct their urine (so they can pee standing up). How nice for the Sambodromo to provide us with this technology!

Back home, thanks to a girlfriend's stagette (bachelorette party) ... I am familiar with such devices.  The brand of choice is called the "Freshette" and at my friend's last celebration of singledom, which had an out in the bush theme since we were in rural BC, a freshette was purchased for her as a gift/dare.

After reviewing the Freshette website I see there are many benefits to using such devices... check it out here. 

STORY 3: This surely falls in the TMI (Too Much Information!) category and also in the completely mortifying and pretty disgusting categories... but like I said - I didn't intend to post about any of these incidents individually but now that they've all come together it does make for an interesting blog post... and also a head's up to anyone who's pregnant in Brazil.  And posts like this also make me happy that this blog is fairly anonymous ;)  Okay, so consider yourself warned.

Being pregnant, I frequently go for blood and urine testing.  I noticed that the directions for the urine testing are much more "thorough" (meaning diagrams and everything) when it comes to the pre-urine cleansing or wipe-down that is to take place, as opposed to back home where they sometimes just give you a wet nap type thing or something to use beforehand.  Ok, so no big deal.  However, last time I went for testing, when it came time for the urine test, the nurse had me lay down on the table, get into the stirrups (so that she could ensure the "pre-urine cleansing" was done properly - yikes!) and then after that MADE me pee in a cup she was holding WHILE I was still in the stirrups at the lab.  I was SURE that it was a language barrier issue at first until she showed me some MORE detailed instructions with drawings and everything. Yes, I had some major stage fright.

It should be noted that I have talked to a few people about this and NO ONE back home has ever heard of anything like this, and people here who have been pregnant in Brazil have not necessarily gone through this either, depending on which lab they used. So I'm not saying this is a procedure that is followed in every Brazilian lab, I'm just stating the facts of what happened to me!

The "Last Play"

When I worked in finance, it was drilled into me that our reputation was dependent on our last "deal" - "You're only as good as your last deal."  I don't think it's so different for other professions. Actors are judged by their last movie or latest performance, surgeons for their last operation, pitchers for their last play, judges for their last judgement, and so on...

Which brings me to the life of the blogger (no, I don't personally consider blogging to be my profession, yet it is an occupation that occupies a lot of my time!) - I'm only as good as my last blog post.  When I receive feedback, good or bad, it is generally on my most recent post.  When a person visits the blog for the first time, they generally read my most recent post.  Which isn't always fair, because I have some 500+ posts on here, and I assure you they are not all about "last plays" or "where to find cheddar" or "skating in Barra" - yet some of these just happen to be my most recent posts.

So if you are new to this blog - or any blog- I encourage you to explore through some of the topics that might interest you, made easy by the topics section on the right, to see what's really up, read a bit deeper into it, then feel free to draw your conclusions.  Just please, don't think that you can read one post on a person's blog and come to a complete conclusion about them, who they are, how they travel, how they live, what they've read, and how they behave. 

Enroute

So we're on our way home (see previous post).
A few random thoughts from the lounge in IAH...

1) The new Continental flight that runs directly from Rio to Houston is great. I really hope they extend the service (I think it's currently just a trial thing until March).  That difference of a couple extra hours, it really makes a huge difference.

2) Continental has been fantastic to us so far this trip (yes it's still early, but faith is ever present, and fingers and toes crossed).  My husband has even stopped calling it "Crapinental" - this is a big deal.  To be fair, he has had horrible circumstances his last few flights, some outside of the airline's control, but all not handled well by them.  So far this trip they are redeeming themselves :) Traveling when you are this pregnant - you get a lot more help and consideration, that's for sure.

3) As my husband frantically types on his blackberry or computer or calculator, I have come to a very silly realization. Despite the fact that we are traveling for over 40 hours round trip to make it to the funeral, I am pretty sure of his whole family he will be taking the least amount of "time off" for this event.  As in, not even one day. He has meetings scheduled in the US & Canada next week and is currently working today, when he can. Obviously not a full day, but still.  So far, total days off = 0, and being that he has a full day of meetings on Monday, none in sight.

4) We were actually pretty glad to get out of Rio this week. On Thursday morning, at 11:30 am there was a shooting on the corner of Maria Quitera & V. de Piraja.  It was a hit, and no innocents were killed, but still... I mean, we walk there all the time! There was also some sort of incident in the north with a bus burning but I didn't feel like inquiring further on that one...

5) Although the circumstances for our trip home are very sad, there are some positive points for us. We get to see our families.  I can't wait to see my niece and nephew, I can't believe I was to go an entire year without seeing them, it would have been quite unbearable, I think. It's also a chance to stock up a few more baby items... and, who am I kidding? Items for me as well...

Breaking News...

Just read an article about a study linking excessive coffee consumption (7+ cups/day) with hallucinations. Including hearing voices. Shocking, I know. I think the study should have been on what could possess anyone to consume 7+ cups of coffee per day... Who pays for these studies? Probably not Starbucks...

Small Town Rio

It never fails to amaze me how small the world is. And I am the type to get really excited about coincidences so I live for this stuff...

The first person I met in Rio was a fellow Canadian. One of a total of two I have met since moving here, I might add. She was an enormous help to me when I first moved here and I highly doubt I would have any of the social life I do now if I had not met her.  I was put in touch with her before I moved down here.  Her father and my best friend's father-in-law are close friends and when they learned of two Canadian girls headed for Rio, they figured we should meet. 

The weird connections and coincidences don't end there.  She married her husband on the same day I married mine, and her husband also bought her the same gift that my husband looked at to buy me as a wedding gift (weird!). They have sadly since relocated to Australia, but we do keep in touch, and I am still finding out how small a world it is - I recently found out she even knows my sister-in-law, back home.  So strange!

Our visitors are always amazed at how in a city of several million, we see people we know just walking down the street here in Rio.  It's not that we are winning any popularity contests, really, there are factors I think play into it, specifically:

• It's an "out & about" society - we walk everywhere! So does everyone else.  So we see each other.
• Everyone who we know in Rio pretty much lives in one of about 4 communities. Although many many people call these communities home, they are really not very big as Rio is densely populated.

I met a woman two weeks ago who spends half the year here in Rio and the other half in Connecticut. As she shared more of her story, I was reminded of an article I'd read in the New York Times - which I posted on the blog on May 31st - about a couple who wintered in Rio. Sure enough - same couple!

This one is pretty funny too... I met a girl in the past month or so who keeps cropping up everywhere I am - she left her umbrella at the same table we were sitting at at Parque Lage last weekend, we saw her at the Hippie Fair the next day, we joked we were following one another.  Then I went to the doctor this week and mentioned the people who had referred me to her, she asked if I also knew this girl, as she'd been in the day before... so funny! Then yesterday I found out she really is following my lead - she is expecting too! Yay!

I always thought the best story of "small worlds" was from my fourth grade teacher, Mr. McCormick.  He travelled to Japan and was on the subway, and realized he was back to back with a guy he went to highschool with back in Canada....

So let's hear it - in your experience, is it a small world after all??

The Heartbreak of Rio

If you read my blog you know this: I did not plan to have a child in Rio. In fact, after moving here I questioned whether or not I would ever like to have children of my own. I was set on adopting. (My husband does not share my enthusiasm though). Having my own children seemed frivolous when there are street babies here who could use a proper home.  It must be my own child, why?  So that I can have a little mini-me?

That said, adopting in Brazil is no piece of cake. According to several people I've spoken with who have tried, it's practically impossible.

When I was home this summer I shared some of my opinions (no, not with the 10 friends & family who just gave birth... I left them alone!), no wonder some people were surprised to hear our news.

Rio Gringa did a very descriptive post earlier this week about what it's like to pass by these children and families. Imagine how I felt the day I found out I was "for sure" expecting, and after going out for a fancy dinner with our family friends who were visiting, walking by a similar scene pretty much on our doorstep when we returned home.

Despite this, I have come to terms with the guilty feelings and refuse to feel guilty about having this child, and am very excited about this new chapter.  I just wish I could do more for the rest of those babies too and imagine it will become even harder to see children in poverty once I am a mother myself.

Ripped off in Rio

Being that I have had guests for pretty much the past 6 weeks straight (plus another 2 weeks before that!) I am really getting a taste of what it's like to be a tourist in Rio again. Most of it's fantastic, but some of it is definitely not pretty.

To make a huge, potentially unfair, sweeping generalization, many Brazilians seem to fail to see the big picture. As in: they are more concerned with winning the battle than the war.

What do I mean by this? Well many seem more concerned with getting their R$5 extra out of unsuspecting tourists than building a reputation on which they could garner more traction for their business. I will give a few examples.

• At Pao do Acucar - As I was leaving in a cab with my dad & uncle, I realized the cabbie (who had been oh so eager to get us in his car) hadn't turned on the meter, and I alerted him to this. Oh no, he says, it's a flat rate to Leblon, R$35.  Well that's funny, I said, as we just came from there and it was a $R22 cab ride. Turn your meter on. He refused and insisted on the fare. Realize that by this time I want to jump out of the cab but we are a few blocks from Sugarloaf by this point and it's dark and we have two very expensive cameras on us (not to mention that as my dad often put it - he and my uncle were "the whitest guys on the beach" - obvious gringoes). I was totally infuriated! Don't these people realize that tourists are their bread & butter? I have had similar experiences with ridiculous taxi rates at the Sofitel in Copacabana - never, never, never catch a cab there!!!!
• At the suco & salgado place (juice & snack) around the corner from my place, I sent my gringo friends down to get themselves a snack, they came back annoyed as after trying two pastels, they were charged for three after the guy insisted they'd had three... guess where I won't be sending people anymore. 
• This one takes the cake... last night before the lagoa lighting party my girlfriend from Canada & I visited the neighbourhood salon to have our very curly hair blown out. I told the girls at the front what we each wanted as my friend was arriving slightly after me, and proceeded to take my appointment. When it came time to pay, hers was significantly more expensive them mine (and I'd had my nails done too!), I'm talking to the tune of $R100 more expensive. I asked why and the girl at the front - who I'd spoken with at the beginning showed me on the screen that my friend had gotten a "deep conditioning treatment" along with her blow-out. I had been warned about these at salons before. I said she hadn't ordered/asked for this and asked for it to be taken off the bill. The stylist was called over and the receptionist bawled her out, saying that of course she should not have been doing this when my friend clearly did not speak a lick of Portuguese... so we were not charged for it, and the receptionist apologized profusely, so I will go back there, but will warn my guests ahead of time!

In so many instances, I see Rio depicted in the international media as a scary place where tourists are robbed and taken advantage of. With the internet being one of the main sources of travel information and word spreading more quickly than ever about where to go and to avoid, I wish that people in the industry here would realize this and be less concerned with the quick buck and more concerned with Rio's overall reputation and not ripping off tourists - because then there would be more of them, and more to go around.  I realize a lot of this stems from genuine desperation to feed families, etc. which is heartbreaking but I still don't like to see people get ripped off when they come here and I take it really personally when I am the one who has invited them here/recommended a place, etc.

Full Moon?

Is there a full moon tonight? Or this week?
It just seems to me that no matter where in the world, here, there, many people in my life seem to be having a tough time right now.  Whether it's job related stress - or stress about whether or not one has a job - which is a popular one.... family related, relationship related, health related... the s*%t seems to be hitting the fan. Lots of disgruntled, frustrated folks.

Is there a mass wake-up call going on in the world right now? Or is it just me? Is stress getting to everyone?

Personally my only complaint of the day is a raging case of sciatica.  And hopefully it stays that way (the one complaint part, dear god no, not the sciatica).

Because People Like to Say Salsa

My husband made homemade SALSA yesterday. This was one of his first culinary adventures in Rio, and cooking something new for him at that, spawned from seeing that a TINY jar of salsa in our cupboard was a whopping R$15.

It is 3 alarm spicy but absolutely excellent.

I wonder if he will make me other homemade treats, maybe I will have to get one of those price labelers and put some fake prices on packaged items such as cookies (because homemade are just soooo much better).

Hmmm

Yesterday I took a day off - I actually kind of forgot to write on my blog...  and yet hits were at an all-time high, almost double what they normally are.

Maybe I should try it more often.

First Brazilian Funeral

Last week, after a very tragic and unfortunate, unexpected sudden loss, my husband attended his first Brazilian funeral.  We really did not know what to expect, and I did plan to attend with him, however it all happened so fast I was not able to go.

Without getting into the personal side of it, here were a few observations of the differences noted between this funeral and a traditional funeral back home, as I had a hard time finding much on the subject of Brazilian funerals online:

• First of all I am not sure I should even call it a funeral, or if there is a better word, but it was the formal event that the friends, family and colleagues were invited to.  It really was more of a viewing, open casket, and visit with the family of the deceased, there was not a service.  No real formal ceremony was held, rather it was sort of an open house in what resembled an office building.  There were several other viewings going on at the same time in different rooms.
• People did not dress up, in fact most were in jeans.
• Just as back home, there were many flowers set up and sent by various people.
• At this particular service, food and drink were not served, but were available for purchase at the venue. 
• The funeral was held the day after the death.

I am not sure if this experience is reflective of what most funerals are like in Brazil, and am interested in some discussion around the experiences of others on this topic. I would imagine that services vary widely depending on the religion and socioeconomic background of the deceased and their family - much as they do back home. 

I am curious about other things - do people bring food to the family as we would back home? Are cards generally sent? If not, how do we help in other ways, if at all?  What is expected or traditional?  Are there particular colors to wear/to send flowers - which are appropriate or inappropriate? 

I look forward to your comments.

Accomplishments

Living abroad has changed my view of what it means to accomplish, well, just about anything.  In my old life, I'd find a sense of accomplishment in being part of a team and accomplishing something like... keeping a company from going bankrupt, landing a stellar new client, hosting a fantastic event, landing a fantastic meeting for a client, or not getting an investment banker to slam the phone down in my ear...

Note: yeah I am pretty glad I no longer work in finance these days... just for the record.

On Friday, I picked our vehicle up from the car dealership where it had been getting a tune-up, drove it to sendas, parked in the parking lot, went in and found turkeys for my Thanksgiving dinner I hosted last night, and drove home - on a Friday night in Rio - in the dark - yes it was my first driving experience in Brazil and therefore why this seemingly mundane event is garnering a blog post of its own...

I felt VICTORIOUS after this event! In fact, I called some of my family in Canada, who were ALL together for Thanksgiving, and shared my accomplishment and joy with them. (And and and...! I found TURKEYS! TWO of them!! And... I saw someone I knew at the store!)

After that conversation, I imagine that much of the turkey dinner conversation may have been speculation about what kind of drugs we are on down in Brazil...  The excitement about seeing someone I knew at the store would have really thrown them for a loop as some of them live in a small town where it's impossible to go buy a litre of milk without having about 9 conversations with people you know who you've run into.

Moving to a foreign country is almost like being a baby again or a small child.  Confusing as hell, and every milestone feels as though it needs to be photographed and written down in the baby book blog. Like... learning to say hi, first full sentence spoken, first full conversation in Portuguese without having to scrunch face to convey confusion, where to buy meat that doesn't smell funny, where to find x,y,& z...

There are so many firsts, and each of them feels like a major accomplishment even though they are all small things we took for granted back home. Thank goodness there are others to share these events with because back home, they are like, yes, kind of like I've seen you do it 1,000 other times?

Yellow Lights

I was saddened to hear that someone I know was assaulted and robbed on her way from Leblon to Ipanema earlier this week (in the early evening).  Although I have grown to feel very comfortable in Rio, as have our friends and acquaintances, it is a warning to us all that we can't ever be too careful.

A friend of ours calls these instances "yellow lights" - a bit of a warning to show us that we are not invincible and to remind us to be cautious.  This city is not without its problems, and unfortunately these problems affect innocent people every day.  I'm just glad that she is okay and it was not worse.

A note on walking at night... everyone says not to walk alone at night. For the record, I do walk alone at night at times - in our neighbourhood, not far, with a specific route and destination in mind and purpose and people expecting me on the other side.  How practical is it really, for someone who does not drive, to basically have to be inside from 5:30 on every single day? It doesn't work. I guess I could cab absolutely everywhere but come on... And as a side note, my mother lives in a tiny town in western Canada and was once mugged in the early evening, so it truly can happen anywhere.  Where she lives you would be more likely statistically to be attacked by a bear...

Anyway.  This is an unfortunate incident but we need to take something positive from it, so let it be a reminder to be careful!

Ask the Audience...

Ok readers - I have some questions for you...

What do you like to read about most on this blog? What can go?

Should I whine about Tok & Stok less? Do you enjoy the business world updates?  Less about me? More random observations while roaming Rio?

Let me know which features you enjoy most and find most helpful, and what you could live without - and I promise to take your feedback seriously!

Thanks,
DRL

What must Brazilians make of me?

So earlier this week Mr. DRL asked me to get our cable up and running.  When we first got into our place we had a bundle deal (read: cable hooked up immediately, phone after about 2 weeks, internet after a whopping MONTH.  Um, opposite order would have been JUSTFINE with me!) but ended up getting really ripped off on the phone part and weren't happy with the internet so we switched companies.  But apparently were keeping the cable (and continued to be billed for it) but I guess it didn't work. I wouldn't really know. (I actually do not even know how to turn on our TV... just ask the cable guy...)

So the cable guy comes, I let him in, try to show him around our entertainment system... he gets it all up and running in no time flat and says he didn't see any problems with it.  (Which irritates Mr. DRL who I console by saying - they must have flicked a switch at the head office and turned our cable back on or something!) So then I go to let the fellow out of the building as the porteria was on his lunch break, and I cannot for the life of me get the door unlocked from the inside to let him out.  The cable guy clearly thinks I am nuts.  I end up having to go upstairs and get my remote opener for the big garage door to let him out through there.  When I asked the porteria about it later he said he had oiled the locks after his lunch break... I see.

So basically guy comes to our house to fix the cable which apparently functioned just fine on its own and then gets locked in the building because the crazy Gringa can't get the door unlocked.

What must he make of this...

Why oh why...

... do they still serve nuts on planes?  Like, seriously?

Other People's Stuff

One of the biggest benefits of being away this past 5 months is not dealing with "other people's stuff" as much.  When you aren't around, people don't vent on you as much, and they seem more driven to just share the positive aspects of what is going on in their lives.  Being our first year of marriage and being that we have a very active social life and complicated family dynamic (2 sets of divorced parents) it has been a most favorable scenario to be away from the craziness of our life for a time and take a break.  Don't get me wrong, I place great importance on supporting my friends and family through all of life's situations, but also realize it takes a lot out of me.  I'm like a sponge for energy - good or bad.  Being home has been overwhelming this way.  The highs are high and the lows are low. The problems, insecurities and hangups of others become more obvious than ever when I haven't seen them in 5 months.  And I would expect that people probably see through me the same way as well after a break from me the past while!

But I must say I would much rather know what people are dealing with than not, because it makes me more compassionate towards them.  If I know what their issue is, then I might understand some of their reactions and comments better because I know where they are coming from... am I the only one?

The Ass Bra

It seems to me that a big, gravity defying bunda is all the rage in Brazil but unsightly saddlebags are just inexcusable... I wonder if this puppy helps...?

Thanks to Shefinds.com I now know all about the ass bra, a device that pushes those cheeks skyward... there are even some with "control top" to keep the tummy in and the tush out.

I guess this is a cheaper alternative to the Brazilian Butt lift, and an easier alternative than squats?

Armed & Dangerous

As I may have mentioned a time or two on this blog before (who me?), one of the most difficult things about living abroad as the "trailing spouse" is the constant justification of one's existance.  Rather than getting anxious about facing the music when I go home, I choose to remember some wise words... A lawyer friend once scolded me for constantly over-explaining everything I do, she says it makes me lose power and even credibility.  A tool I now try to use day to day but will be especially handy now. 

Besides, before I left to come back home I had a bit of time to contemplate what I had accomplished in my about-five-months in Brazil and looking back I am pretty proud of what that list entails. Not that we should ever benchmark ourselves against other people (especially when we do not walk in their shoes) but talking to others about what they do day to day shortly before leaving made me feel quite accomplished.  Not that I am explaining myself, but we do not have as many of the extra resources a lot of other "ex-pat" families and couples (especially from gov't organizations & large multinationals) do, which you could call one of three things:
1) We are less protected and more vulnerable,
2) We have more freedom,
3) We learn more. 

I like #3.

So bring it on, ex-colleagues, in-law's, status-crazed executives. Ask me what I do all day. I'm ready, and you won't make me squirm.

When things go wrong in Brazil...

As they often do, you can do one of a few things...

1) Cry about it (see how much that one helps...) You can even scream.  It's so loud that no one will even notice, I promise.
2) Shrug and say "LIZARB" - a phrase Mr. DRL & I have coined which essentially is Brazil backwards and we refer to when discussing anything that we feel is "ass-backwards" about Brazil.
3) Gaze at the beautiful scenery and breathe deeply. 
4) Watch this hilarious video (DISCLAIMER: not around children, not at work, not if you are sensitive to swearing, and not if you lack a sense of humor) and take its powerful message to heart.

When things go wrong in Brazil...

As they often do, you can do one of a few things...

1) Cry about it (see how much that one helps...) You can even scream.  It's so loud that no one will even notice, I promise.
2) Shrug and say "LIZARB" - a phrase Mr. DRL & I have coined which essentially is Brazil backwards and we refer to when discussing anything that we feel is "ass-backwards" about Brazil.
3) Gaze at the beautiful scenery and breathe deeply. 
4) Watch this hilarious video (DISCLAIMER: not around children, not at work, not if you are sensitive to swearing, and not if you lack a sense of humor) and take its powerful message to heart.

Winter

Nothing says winter like a "festa de sopa" or Festival of Soup...

How Our Environment Shapes Us

My "Insight of the Day" today was ironically one of my favorite quotes...

"Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them."  W. Clement Stone.  To sign up for Awareness Strategies Insight of the Day, click here

I love this quote because I think it's so true.  And I think we are attracted to people (ie friends) we want to be more like.

Seeing it today made me think about Rio and wonder how it has shaped me and how I have changed over the past few months.  It will be interesting to hear the observations of loved ones once I return home.  Although it's funny, my favorite song of the moment is Bob Seger: Still the Same... so who know...

Brazilian baby?

Amongst other questions I regularly field from our friends & family back home: So since you are not working, are you going to have a baby down there? Would it get Brazilian citizenship?

Not planning on it, no.  And yes, I believe babies born in Brazil DO get Brazilian citizenship.

I do understand why they ask. It's sort of logical. But for me, it's a tough one.  I love kids, I love babies. I want to have children, but ideally it would not happen for about 2 or 3 more years. Which is also the timeline for leaving Brazil, which means I could then work again, which seems a bit counterproductive: why not just get started now?

Yes, it is tempting for many reasons:

• Here there are lots of activities to do with a baby - walking, parks, beach, etc. (unlike back home where people bundle their kids up to take them to the mall in order to go for a walk, come winter time).
• Cheap childcare (if you were into that or needed it).
• No career interruption (it's already interrupted, folks!)
• Ice cream stands everywhere - if pregnant I would likely allow myself to indulge on a regular basis, unlike now...
• Kids are adored in Brazil, and go along to restaurants, are up late, and generally seem well behaved (I think it's because they are so well socialized from a young age).
• My husband would be overjoyed - he just got back from the US where he went on a shopping SPREE for his new sobrinha (niece), she is too little to know that she will be the lucky benefactor of 10 adorable little outfits...
• It would be the best 50th birthday present I could ever give my mother (she turns 50 on Thursday). She loves babies so much that she gets invited to baby showers an hour late so that others will get a turn to hold the baby... haha.
• I think it would be great to be pregnant here - lots of treats, fresh fruit, places to go walking, etc. It's Rio, comfy loose clothing is considered elegant...  it would work.

I should never say never (if you have read this blog from the beginning you might notice that I tend to start to change my tune on certain topics as life unfolds...) but there are also a ton of reasons NOT to, such as...

• Car jackings (a baby can't exactly get itself out of the car in a hurry in such a situation) and other dangerous situations which are a reality of living here.
• Potential for stomach bugs, food poisoning, etc.
• Being so far from friends & family. It's not an unlikely scenario that my mother would come here and steal the baby and attempt take it back to Canada.  So not wanting her to go to Brazilian jail is pretty high on the list...
• Not feeling "ready" emotionally to be the main influence on another life. 
• My husband works too much. Have I mentioned this before?
• I just lost 4 kilos of "Brazil-sugar-weight" dammit!
• After Brazil, we want to do a trip around the world before moving to our next destination.  My husband believes this is the only valid reason for us not getting cracking immediately.  Thank goodness!

Thankfully, there is no rush and we will get our fill of baby time on our upcoming visit back home with a new niece and various friends welcoming new bundles into our lives this summer (a whopping 10 babies... and all girls so far it seems!) That'll do, that'll do!

Continuing on an Environmental Kick...

Check out this great little presentation on plastic bags and why they are so terrible for the environment...

To Brazilianize this post, I must say that despite the absolutely criminal amount of packaging on everything we buy in North America, the situation seems even worse in Brazil. Packaging galore! Most of the time in grocery stores, groceries are double bagged (whether they need to be or not!)...

Relationship Changes

My husband travelled to the US this week for work and boy did I miss him! He was only gone for 3 nights and 2 days but it felt like a long time.  I even have visitors here to keep me company and I still really missed him.  Which is weird for me because we used to be apart for long periods of time (4 months once!) - several weeks on several different occasions and though we missed each other it was not like this!

I guess we have just become much more dependent on one another and closer over the past few months.  One of our "shortcomings" as a couple before was that we were independent almost to a fault, so perhaps in the long run this will teach us balance. 

Moving to a foreign country with only your spouse is stressful, and so above all else I am grateful that this is the feeling I have rather than "He is driving me crazyyyyyyy!"

Today's Insight of the Day

Love this... from Insight of the Day:   

"I have never been a millionaire. But I have enjoyed a crackling fire, a glorious sunset, a walk with a friend and a hug from a child. There are plenty of life's tiny delights for all of us."
Jack Anthony Author to receive insight of the day in your inbox click here...

Thank you!

To everyone who has commented or emailed in the past while - I really appreciate the feedback and questions - it makes blogging very rewarding. 

Thoughts on being an expat

Found another great expat blog - Suzer's Expat Adventures - and a great list "5 Things I've Learned Since Becoming an Expat" - click on the link to read the reasoning behind each one...

1. Shyness is a luxury.

2. On the same note as above, being an expat is an excellent opportunity to develop interests and talents you've always had but perhaps never but into action.

3. Being an Expat Partner/Spouse adds a lot more complexity to a relationship, making essential relationship values such as flexibility and patience even more important.

4. Culture shock is not something that may happen, but something that will happen.

5. Being an expat is something you don't recover from.

Quote

Life in a Foreign Country...
"...is a dance of submission and resistance. Self-knowledge comes in small repeated shocks as you find yourself giving in easily, with a struggle, or not at all." -Rhiannon Paine

Weird.

Part of the "expat thing" is the constant turnover of people - there is always someone coming or going.  I just realized yesterday that of the people I've met since I've been here, THREE of them all left on Monday, the same day.  They may even have all been on the same flight...

How You Find Me

I have had a number of hits from people searching for "snortling" (they hit my post on Brazilian manners)... too funny...

On my Asian Food Buying Experience

Call this part II of my earlier post today...
Today was almost a little check-in for me as to how much I've changed in the past few months. 

Back home, when I would venture out to T&T market (a big Asian supermarket in Canada) to buy a wide variety of items, it felt a little like culture shock to me.  Few people in the store spoke English, I was often the only white person in the store (and sometimes the tallest too), it felt like I was in another country rather than just another part of the city.  Fun! But sometimes a little off-putting, too.

Today, in a tiny little asian specialty shop where the merchant spoke in his native language (I could not tell which it was for sure, so I don't want to be ignorant and guess/assume) and Portuguese with a strong and definitely-different-than-mine accent, I felt right at home, much different than when I am doing exactly the same thing at home...

Evolution?

Dia dos Namorados

Although many holidays are the same in Brazil as in North America (Mother's Day, for example), some are different.  Two which are different are relevant this week: Father's Day (celebrated this Sunday in North America, but not until August in Brazil.... er... I think), and Dia dos Namorados, which is the Brazilian answer to Valentine's Day, which happens to be Thursday, the day after tomorrow.

So now the running joke is that I wonder what my husband is up to...

You see, back in February, as we were frantically trying to get ready to move to Brazil, we thought we'd use a very thoughtful wedding gift - dinner at one of the city's best restaurants and tickets to the orchestra - the Friday after Valentine's Day.  We thought we'd take the opportunity to offer our babysitting services to friends with kids, so they could have a nice evening out and we could have a quiet night in, spend time with kids we love (we miss all of our friends kids so much, being here!), eat sushi and watch a movie. 

So when Valentine's day rolled around I did exactly that, while my husband worked until about 11:30.... haha.  Which was fine because we had an awesome night planned for the following day (and he used the "I'd get another V-day in Brazil in June" card)...

As it always does, the next night rolled around and although dinner was divine, I found myself almost falling asleep at the orchestra.  (Not like me at all).  We went home and I proceeded to get more violently ill than I have ever been in my life. (NOT from the dinner.  I was sick.) The next day, my husband got it too.  In fact, I think half the city did. So a romantic Valentine's it was not ("sweetie do you mind holding my hair back...")

So we get a second chance for V-day 2008 - our first year as a married couple - here in Brazil.  So we will see if Mr. DRL can get home at a decent hour.  I would be thrilled with a walk along the beach and dinner before 10:00 pm...

The Corporation

Let me help you decipher what your perk-laden, high rolling expat compensation package really means...

Countless times since we have arrived I've been a bit envious of the wives of fellows working for big multinational corporations here in Brazil.  Why? It seemed to me that these wives had endless resources at their disposal, not to mention an automatic, prepackaged group of new best friends (a.k.a. all the other "expat wives" or "trailing spouses"). 

Never having been a fan of big companies in the first place, I've since re-evaluated this situation for myself and am not as jealous anymore.  (Except of course when I think about how my internet is not hooked up and how if my husband worked for a huge company they'd have a person whose whole job it was to make sure that this was taken care of for me.)

With the perks come disadvantages.  Below are the details.  (This post is really not Brazil-specific, much of this applies to ex-pats and their spouses working anywhere in the world.)

 

Supposed perk: "Safety" Training and "Cultural Awareness" Training.
Actual downside: Basically it sounds like they brainwash scare the s*%# out of these people upon arrival so that they deem themselves completely helpless and therefore are totally fine with all the restrictions they are about to put on them (see below... )

Although I admit I would not mind some self defense classes...

Supposed perk:  Company-owned car and full time driver.
Actual downside: The driver tends to be a company employee.  Meaning that his loyalty is always to his boss, the company (don't bite the hand that feeds!), which means that he has been specifically instructed on where he is and is not to take his passengers, which in a nutshell means that said expat wife's freedom is limited. As in: the driver dictates where they can and cannot go. For real.

IF the company allows its employees to drive these company-owned vehicles on occasion/weekends (and some do not!), rest assured the built-in GPS will monitor every place they go.  One woman told me a story about how her husband's colleagues all watched on a computer as they got lost and went in circles on a recent excursion. Privacy?  What's that?

(This brings up yet another reason I had pangs of envy - people at this company have time to fool around and do stuff like that? My husband has been working like a dog since we arrived.)

I have also talked to numerous people who said the company does not allow them to take taxi's or buses. 
Most of the women I speak with who have full time drivers find that they are constantly waiting around for their drivers to pick them up (taking away the "convenience" factor significantly).   

Supposed perk: Lots of time off to do what one pleases since the company won't employ them or help them get a work visa so that they can work elsewhere (see more on this below).
Actual downside: Forget the idea of volunteering or giving back, the company will deem most worthwhile volunteer opportunities as "too dangerous" and forbid them.

Supposed perk:  A big group of new best friends aka the expat wives.
Actual downside: Now that the company controls one's whole existence (see above) it will also be the topic of one's entire social life. 

The worst of all, inspiring this rant in the first place...
Many of the bigger companies will not help the trailing spouse acquire a working visa.  In fact, we have some friends who recently left Brazil to seek greener pastures where both of them could work for the same company (before moving to Rio, they had both worked for the company that brought them to Brazil for over a decade.  Only he was placed in a job when they moved here. Nice.) - not because they necessarily wanted to leave Brazil, but because of this and several other controls the company imposed on them which they did not feel the need to adjust to. 

On the visa issue:
There is no way I would have wanted to be working the last three months, getting ourselves set up here has really been a full time job and I have been grateful that I did not have to work during this period of time. 

That said, for a company to bring a family or couple to a foreign country and not provide the trailing spouse with the resources to acquire a working visa is absolutely a form of control in my opinion.  Most of these women are told that they "can't" get a working visa (as in, that it is not possible).  As far as I know, this is not true.

Disclaimer: I have been told that I eventually will get a working visa if I want one.  I do not know if the same rules apply for American citizens as Canadian citizens?

To me, failing to help the trailing spouse obtain a work permit seems tactical on the company's part, much like encouraging employees to get mortgages or fancy cars, knowing they will be trapped into working forever to pay them off.   Common sense, on the company's part.  A single income family man will feel much more obligation to fulfill his employer's every whim to support his family. Not cool for the company to manipulate/create this situation for its employee.

Apparently, from a worldwide perspective, more opportunities are being created for trailing spouses. According to an article in the International Herald Tribune, legal barriers to working abroad are falling:

"France last year was the latest government to allow family members of multinational employees and skilled workers to take a job without obtaining a separate permit. Other countries - the Netherlands, Hong Kong, Argentina, Singapore and the United States - have also loosened restrictions."

The article also said that as more women enter the work force, more couples are refusing international assignments abroad if a spouse's job can't be transferred.

Companies addressing this issue have the right idea, long term.  Why? According to the article and several surveys, spousal dissatisfaction is the number one reason for assignment failure abroad.

My final comments on the issue...
Visa issues aside, I realize that many of these restrictions and controls are put into place for legal reasons and for the intended safety of the employees and their families.  Some of these policies are put into place after an unfortunate incident occurs, and are meant to protect people. However, it seems to have gotten a little out of control with some companies and is majorly interfering with the international experience some of these people are having.  Believe me there have been times I wished there was someone, anyone, more concerned for my safety (as I wandered around on multiple occasions, lost, on foot, without even a cell phone, or a bank card that worked in this country, or having anyone who had a clue where I was... ) but my point is that even without these things, absolutely nothing bad has happened to me. 

Not all big multinationals operating in Brazil impose such restrictions on employees.  Large oil companies seem to have the most "policies" in place, but then the employees of large oil companies are probably the biggest targets as well.  Our closest friends here in Brazil are here with a large multinational (not an oil and gas company) and have virtually no lifestyle restrictions.  Nor do we, in our case it's because the company we are here with is too small to have any such policies in place (which has worked out well for us).

I figure that if I had children I would feel completely differently about this issue! I would want the armoured car, the driver who refuses to drive anywhere unsafe, the whole nine yards. 

In closing, I just don't like the idea of a company controlling every aspect of its employee's life.  Moving abroad makes everything revolve around "the company" enough, and I think some of these "perks" should be optional.

Cabin Fever

The past couple of weeks have been trying for my husband and I.  We have been faced with a number of challenges (in addition to just the day to day challenges of the first few months of living abroad).  I am not trying to complain (I can see the comments already...) but rather to share what it can be like being a foreigner living in Brazil sometimes.  The frustrations add up.  Today, like many days, I feel like a bit of a prisoner in my own apartment.  With the whole "setup" I have to be here a lot, to receive deliveries, be here while tradespeople are in the place, etc.  Which would be fine of course this really only benefits me. Except that about 50% of the time they either do not show up (and no, I have yet to receive a courteous pre-warning call in this situation) or are incredibly late. (Like I am talking up to 6 hours).  Which means my day is spent here in the apartment, without decent internet (and therefore access to the outside world).  I am not much of a tv-watcher, in fact although we do have cable, it is not currently connected to anything. 

When this situation comes up, I feel isolated, and very frustrated that I am continuously put in this situation when there is this paradise right outside that I am eager to explore but can't.  At least today it's raining.  And I actually accomplished a lot around here.... I made curtains.... notice I said made not sewed...

The Cheap Thrills of Brazil

Although Brazil's economy is currently going strong and inflation is even under control, if you look to the people, you see the scars of the hyperinflation crises of the recent past.  How? The cheap thrill lives on in Brazil despite the new stability of the economy. People are frivolous with their money, it goes out as rapidly as it pours in.  Instant gratification seems to be the name of the game - kids march down the street with either candy, popcorn, ice cream or a popsicle in hand.  The boteco's (little hole in the wall bars where people eat salgadinhos and drink draft beer) are packed every day - it seems as though everyone eats lunch out.  Don't get me started on the "pay once or pay 4 times" groceries - evidence that for most Brazilians, everything is financed.

When these people have been through severe hyperinflation crises where savings were wiped out , you can't blame them for being scared to save.

Live in the moment, right?

The Things That Don't Change

Having been here almost three months, my husband and I often marvel at how much we have changed since we arrived.  We have learned so much! We have grown much closer.  Back home we were the type of couple who "does their own thing" a lot, we have always looked at it in a positive way, allowing one another the freedom to take advantage of opportunities that come up.  So over the years we've been together, we have frequently been apart, sometimes for months at a time.  Also, our social lives were often separate as my husband's work schedule is insane, and I am not one to sit at home and wait for him to come home!

Here, it's been different.  Without an existing network of friends & family, we rely on one another more than ever.  Even for getting little things done around the house, I frequently phone him as his assistant is involved with our house setup as well.  So our lives are integrated in a way they never have been before.  We each have far less independence from one another, but in our case it is probably a good thing being that we were so overly independent before.  I think for some people - depending on the relationship- this situation could probably be stifling.

When embarking on this "whole new life" in Brazil we thought a lot about things in our lives that we wanted to change once we arrived.  Moving can be a good time to rid ourselves of bad habits, but without a plan and conscious effort, it just doesn't happen. We convince ourselves that we are leaving any unpleasantness in our lives behind by moving, and this is simply not true.  We have exactly the same amount of power over any unpleasantness no matter where we are, it just depends on how we choose to handle it.  (Although a break from some unpleasant individuals is always welcomed and kind of just magically happens when you move to Brazil!)

Even though our surroundings have changed and therefore changed us to some degree, we still need to work hard to break big bad habits...

Case in point:

• My husband still works way too much
• I still don't work out as much as I'd like to (but would it ever be enough?)
• The "moment of clarity" in terms of what my purpose is career-wise just hasn't quite happened yet...
• Despite that my sense of gratitude is more developed than ever, I still find myself complaining and obsessing about things that do not really matter...
• If you think that moving away to a foreign country will make people back home who did not appreciate you before appreciate you more, well, I hope you have another reason for moving than just that one because otherwise you might be very disappointed.

I have no idea if this topic (what changes and what doesn't) is covered within it, but there is a book to prepare you and your relationship for the process of moving, it's called A Moveable Marriage, and although I have not read it myself (I found out about it after me and my marriage moved), it comes highly recommended.

   

Moving is stressful, I think tools are helpful.

Today's Unique Spottings

• Guy on the beach with something in his speedo that didn't, um, belong to him.
• Guy in bubble wrap cape
• Guy in shirt that says "I touch meat"